Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
