Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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