North Korea, Best Korea!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
