I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is the high leading the old right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
