Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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