thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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