My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
