that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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