We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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