Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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