bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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