hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
