I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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