i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
