We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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