wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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