then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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