If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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