the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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