she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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