You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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