I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
