Say something about gay babies.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
