Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
