That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
