twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
