I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
