How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
