i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it penis luge time yet?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
