Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
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btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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