cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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