good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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