1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
