No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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