I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my shit smells like andre
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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