I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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