I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
