And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
