He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
