ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
