She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
