Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
