Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
