i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize