She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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