she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
