i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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