If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
