The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
