I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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