If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just cropdusted the office
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
