My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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