the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
