Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
