Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
