My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.