i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.