Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
