Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook