My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.