Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
