No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
