You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
sarcasm needs its own font
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
