fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
