He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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