i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
honey bunches of taint.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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