So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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