I love black thongs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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