If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
