U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This baby is an asshole
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
