Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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