So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
