Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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