Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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