you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
