so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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