Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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